My first entry
I’ll try my best to be consistent with these while I slowly build and shape my website. I guess I should talk a little about me — I’m just a girl living in a horrible world, doing my best to keep my spirits up while everything evil keeps raging on. I like the purity and wholesomeness of Neocities websites, so I decided to join in. Hopefully my page can bring some curiosity or peace.
My second entry
September 24, 2025
Hi, so recently I have been feeling a bit claustrophobic in the city I’m in, but maybe it’s more of a worldly feeling, or just my internal world feels as though it’s tight and narrow. My friends are getting on my nerves quicker than usual, and it’s making me sad and tired when that happens. I feel misunderstood? socially exhausted, and lonely, but I know I’m not alone and I have good friends and a good life at the moment. What’s missing? Love? I’ve taken a hiatus from chasing women to refocus that energy on myself, and it’s been rewarding. At the same time, the woman I’ve been seeing for years (unexclusively) moved to London for her master’s, so that’s a change which can feel lonely since she was also my best friend. But it’s good at the same time — that’s also energy I’m giving back to myself. I wish my career would pick up faster, but I know I’m doing the best I can in the place I’m in, so I won’t stress myself with that. I guess I just have to ride the wave and this melancholic feeling... PS: i need to figure out how to code in a comment section
My third entry
September 28, 2025
It’s hard to let go of a love, let alone imagine them being with someone else—physically or emotionally. Why does it feel almost unserious when I picture myself disconnecting, yet it hurts or panics me to think of her doing the same? Is that selfish, or just normal? To me, she still feels like a baby—so pure and soft. I don’t want anyone hurting her, even if it isn’t really “hurting” but pleasing. Maybe that sounds like double standards, or like I’m being overprotective, but that’s just how I feel about her. I know she’s more than just softness and purity, but sexually, that’s how I see her. Anyway, I’m rambling without an end point. Letting go is hard. On a similar note.. since i declared my energy shift from women to career and self a few months ago, it has been going well but now with..lets call her (X). With X gone and my crush in the states (barf) it feels like i have to unbury my little black book but i dont want to but im also CrAvInG human touch and affection. i mean its only been like 2 weeks and abit since but i feel like im withdrawing lol as dramatic as that sounds. its hard to go from always having someone around to choosing to focus on yourself and not have that physical rush or release. i dont know how people go without sex for long periods of time, i feel like im a teenage boy going through puberty.
